Everyone Doesn’t Have to Share

I’m trying to teach The Don about sharing and taking turns with Bam Bam.  Bam Bam is starting to share his toys if he wants The Don to play with them because The Don shares with him.  When we somewhere where there’s a community toy chest, I tell The Don to share especially if the kid is younger than he is.  It’s like being the big brother of the play ground but it doesn’t always turn out that way.

The Don will be four next month and already he’s becoming bossy.  Although I’m teaching him to share, sometimes he doesn’t want to.  I would have to intervene when it comes to kids younger than him and speak up for the kid who doesn’t know how to say, “Can I play too?”  In that situation, I’ll have The Don ask the kid, “Would you like to play with me?”  This also teaches him to share.  If we bring a ball or toys with us at the park of playground and other kids what to play, I encourage The Don to share and tell them that they will give it back especially if he’s not playing with the ball or toy. You see, The Don, like every kid his age, thinks that if he sees a toy no matter where it is, it’s his.  I tell him that if a toy isn’t yours, you need to ask the kid if you can play with the toy.  Usually when he ask, the kid let’s him play with his toy and I make sure that The Don gives it back and says “Thank you” afterwards.  However, today at the park, The Don encountered a kid who didn’t want to share.

There where three girls and a boy on the sliding board sliding down mini toy cars down the slide.  The Don saw this and wanted to play with the cars.  He doesn’t know who cars there were because he was at the bottom of the slide and seeing them come down the way they did, it didn’t seem like anyone had any claim to them.  The Don started picking up the cars and started playing with them.  I was with Bam Bam up top of the slide.  I had Bam Bam slide down and I slid down and told The Don to ask if it was ok to play with the toys.  The older girl must have slid down before playing with the cars too and I told The Don to ask her if he could play with the cars. She said yes and her mom let him play.  There was a boy maybe a year younger than The Don came to where The Don was playing with the cars and was trying to take the cars back up to the slide again.  The Don was trying to trade him one car and trying to keep the rest (The Don had four and Bam Bam had two).  The boy tried to take the cars again and The Don acted like he didn’t want to give them up so I told him that he couldn’t play with them.  I explain to him that the kids were nice enough to let him play with the cars but not to take over them and if they want it back it’s their right because it’s theirs.

The Don asks me can he play with the cars again.  So I asked the older girl who looked about five and asked if the boy was her brother.  It wasn’t just a kid at the park she was playing with but the cars are his.  So I told The Don if he wants to play with the cars to ask the boy.  The Don asked him to play with the cars and the boy said, “NO.”  The disappointment on The Don’s face was hurtful to me but I explained to him that it’s ok because it’s his cars and he doesn’t have to share and told him to play somewhere else.  Honestly, I couldn’t blame the little boy because if The Don wouldn’t give back his cars before, why risk having him play with his cars again and fighting to try and get it back? 

The Don learned a value lesson today, “Everyone Doesn’t Have to Share with You.”  The Don might think that if he shares with other kids, they should share with him.  It’s a lesson that not everyone will treat you the same as you would treat them. The Don could grow up to be the most caring and giving person in the world, but don’t expect that other people would be as caring and giving as he is.  Because in reality, it’s not reality.  I tell The Don that people have the right to feel what they feel and to not take it personally.  I tell him to move on and do something else.  I guess if The Don doesn’t want someone playing with his toys that he didn’t know or comfort with, he shouldn’t let them play either.  This is one lesson he learned and was shocked by the response.  Don’t worry my son; there will be plenty more to come.

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