Cracking the Shell

Last Sunday, I didn’t feel like doing anything.  I just got over my period and I was feeling shitty.  I looked forward to a day where I could get some rest and maybe take a nap because I just felt so tired.  The day before, the husband and The Don went sledding that afternoon and I just wasn’t up to it.  The first time I went with the kids, The Don sled into a trench and the following time we went with the hubby, it was snowing and Bam Bam was tired and cold and wasn’t feeling it so I had to take Bam Bam back to the car crying and screaming which lasted for thirty minutes.  Selfish to say that if I wasn’t going to have any fun, I wasn’t looking forward to go sledding. 

So my husband asked The Don does he want to go sledding Sunday.  The Don excitedly said yes and then he said, “Mama, do you want to come too?”  I ignored the question because I really didn’t want to go.  The Don asked the question again and I said to him, “I don’t know.  I have to see how I feel.”  The Don gave me an “Oh” look that broke my heart. It’s like he was saying,“Why doesn’t mom want to come play with me?” 

For the past hour, I was debating with myself should I go.  I kept remembering the disappointment in The Don face when I said, “I have to see how I feel.”  I then asked my husband when they were planning on sledding because I decided I will go after all.  I told him that I may not sled but I’ll go because The Don asked me to.  I figure that The Don just wants me to be there at least to share his moment with him.

The guys on the toboggan

We went about an hour later to the dreaded hill where The Don fell slid in the trench.  The husband when down on the toboggan board with The Don.  Then he went with Bam Bam.  Then he went down with both of the kids.  I stood there thinking that I was being supportive because at least I was there.  The Don asked me, “Mama, you want to sled too?”  Damn it!  I wasn’t expecting to sled.  The Don gave me those sad eyes like he was saying “PLEASE!”  I gave in.  I sled down the toboggan board and slid with The Don in the muddy edge.  I told myself, “I’m not doing it again.  Then The Don asked me again to sled with him.  So I sledded about three more times.  You know what?  It had gotten more fun every time we sled. 

I told my husband that I actually had funny that day.  My husband says, “I wanted you to come and sled you didn’t want to but when The Don asked you went.  What’s up with that?”  I said, “Well, because I don’t want to break my son’s heart.  I did it for him.”  It’s amazing what I would do for my sons even doing something I really didn’t like but eventually it wasn’t so bad.  My son is slowly cracking my shell.  My boys are the only ones who can.  They help me grow as a person and I love them for it.  Would I sled if I didn’t have my boys?  Probably not but with them the limits are endless.  I just have to get ready for the ride.   


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