Wait Your Turn!

You know, it seems like The Don has become relatively rude lately.  When I’m on the phone with someone, he would rudely interrupt me by saying, “Mama, Mama, Mom!”  Other times, if Bam Bam is holding my attention or trying to get my attention, The Don would cling on me or try pushing Bam Bam away before he gets to me.  The biggest thing that I notice is when the hubby and I are having a conversation and The Don would call out ,”Mama” or he would try to out talk his father or he would tell us to be quiet or his favorite line, “No talking!”  This kid is pushing his boundaries.

I could use reason or “excuses” as to why he’s behaving this way:  he could be bored, he could be lacking attention, he could have excess energy and need to get it out, he could be going throw some type of development stage and eventually he’ll get over it.  Whether these excuses are true or not, there is no reason to accept rudeness from him…from anyone.

I think the problem is that he’s thinks that everyone should stop what they are doing and tend to his wants…but to him he think it’s a need.  So, I think the solution is to teach The Don to wait, preferably to wait his turn.  When he interrupts me on the phone, I tell him to say excuse and then ask his request.  If  it’s not important, then he needs to wait.  If he’s being rude because of attention reasons, I will them him that it’s rude to interrupt someone and he has to wait.  As far as being clingy or pushing pass his little brother to take attention away from him, I don’t let him and tell him it’s not right and he has to wait his turn.  Finally, when he knows that mommy and daddy are having a conversation to wait until we are finish talking or say “excuse me”.  Even then, we don’t allow him to interrupt us every time because he’ll start to think that  he can do that all the time and that’s not what we want to teach him. We are the adult and he is the child, he has no right to interrupt us when we’re talking unless it’s a need.

The Don has to realize that rudeness is unacceptable and if he need something, he has to ask respectfully and wait for the response. In order words, he has to learn to wait his turn.   

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Obsessed With His Penis

What do you do when you walk in on your child playing with their private parts?  Do you scream: “What are you doing? Put that thing away!”  Or do you just walk out the room and try to erase that moment out of your mind?  Well in my case, I did neither.  I acted like it was normal, well as normal as a mom can be when she finds her three and a half year old playing with his penis.

The Don has the tendency to play with his penis any chance he gets: in his room, in the bathroom, in the TV room, standing around while he’s waiting for something or at the dinner table because he’s bored. He’s also obsessed with the size of his penis, “It’s small.  It’s big now!” I do feel like freaking out when he does these things but I don’t want him to be embarrassed about his penis as well.

So when he exposes himself, I tell him can with these rules in mind:

Do it in the privacy in your own room:  I tell The Don it’s ok to play with your penis as long as you play with it in the privacy in your own room.  One time, The Don was playing with his penis in his room while we were doing story time.  I told him to play with it in the privacy of your own room.  The Don responded, “But I’m in my own room.”  I had to clarify by saying, “Privacy, meaning that no one else in the room with you and you’re by yourself.” I think he got it.

AND

Do not pull it out and expose your penis to everyone: I tell The Don to keep his penis in his pants because no one should see his penis but him. No one wants to see his penis and you don’t know if there are perverts out there who want to take advantage of you. So keep it in your pants!

I don’t want to embarrass The Don for doing something that is normal.  He is curious about how his penis works and it fascinated by it.  I guess boys obsess about the penises early.  The thing I want to teach him is to not be ashamed of his body part but to make sure he keeps it private.  No matter how weird out I am about what he is doing, I don’t want him to be weird out about it either.

When did he learn to do that?

It just seems like life is passing me by when it comes to Bam Bam.  I remember remembering almost every little thing from The Don when he was Bam Bam’s age but with Bam Bam, everything he does comes as a surprise.  Sometimes it feels like I really don’t know him; well of course I know him the thing is I don’t know about him; like I can’t read him. I seem clueless when it comes to him.

There are certain things I feel that I should have been aware of with that I was caught off guard.  For instance, when I had a hard time putting Bam Bam down for a nap I couldn’t figure out why.  My husband noticed that Bam Bam didn’t want to be left abruptly and he needed someone to linger around while he gets settled to sleep. I was like, “Oh”.  Or the time I was trying to get Bam Bam to take his first steps by letting him take his time and he’ll eventually get it didn’t produce fast results.  My husband pushed Bam Bam over and over again until he got it.  Oh. Or when he learns how to push trash in the trash can or the time he learns to blow his nose. Oh, when did he learn to do that? The recent accomplishment of late is Bam Bam learning to use utensils.  Oh.

Bam Bam’s Fork Skills

Bam Bam uses his fingers to eat pasta but on this day, he was playing with them and tossing them on the floor.  Bam Bam was also looking at how the rest of us were eating our pasta with our forks.  I think I mention to my husband that I don’t think he was ready for the fork.  My husband interjected by saying, “Maybe he is”.  It couldn’t hurt to let him try so I gave him a fork to see what he would do.  Bam Bam took the fork, stabbed the pasta, and put it in his mouth. He got most of the pasta and veggie meat balls with little help from us.  He was pretty good for someone who just learned how to use a fork. I’m impressed, blown away, and wondered why I didn’t take notice of this before.  I swear Bam Bam is passing me by.

It seems like I notice The Don’s moments more than Bam Bam.  With The Don going through the terrifying threes and noticing the physical changes in him, I fail to stop and look at Bam Bam physical and emotional changes that he is going through.  I feel like I’m off my game with Bam Bam.  I guess it’s not expected to know every little thing about my children and I probably won’t catch every accomplishment that they will endure.  I think my ego is bruised  because it feels like I’m slacking with Bam Bam when noticing things about him.  I have to step up my game and see what plays Bam Bam is calling so I don’t drop the ball on something that he is ready to do.  Thank goodness that the hubby seen these things because if not I think Bam Bam would  be still crawling. 

The Invisible Dad

The hubby was on vacation this week.  Although it was nice that my husband was home, it’s was also like he wasn’t home well as far as the kids was concerned.  I don’t know if it’s because during the week their dad isn’t home and just come to me by instinct but the point is that dad is there too why the kids are still coming to me?  I know why…dad must be invisible.  Yeah, that must be it.

During the four day vacation, my husband was available to help out with the kids.  If The Don asks for something, he usually just says what he wants instead of addressing the person he wants to help him.  My husband thinks he’s clever because he would ask The Don, “Do you want Mommy or Daddy to get that or help you?”  Knowing darn well The Don will ask for me to get it, it seems like my husband like the superpower of being invisible.  Of course, The Don will say, “Mama, can I have or can you get this for me?”  Man, sometimes I wish had that superpower.

One incident was when I just putting down Bam Bam and was going back into the kitchen.  I saw my husband on his phone playing chess and then The Don comes out of the TV room and asked, “Can I have some gold fish please?”  I said to him, “What, your dad is right there.  Never mind I’ll get it.”  I’m not sure if The Don waited for me to get it for him or my husband told him to wait, it doesn’t excuse the fact that dad was there and The Don did not have to wait until I came back.

I think my family is too dependent on me to do things for them.  My kids act like they can’t ask their dad for anything even if I’m not there and would wait for me to do it for them. I know my husband acts like one of the kids, maybe that’s why they don’t ask him for help he he.  I’m going to teach my children that daddy is there to help them out too and they don’t have to wait for me.  My husband is benefiting of the ability of being invisible and to me that don’t benefit the kids because they may start to think that they can’t depend on dad for anything and they must come to mom to get things done.  From now on, I will tell my boys that if I’m not around and dad is to ask dad for help.   It’s good that the kids can see that they can depend on dad too.

 

Why Won’t He Play With Me?

One of my favorite TV shows that The Don watches is Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.  I love that it teaches children life lessons such as sharing, caring for others, and playing.  One of the episodes was about how if a friend doesn’t want to play with you, to find something else to do.  This lesson has been pretty hard for The Don to understand.  When The Don plays with other kids and they decide to go away and do something else, The Don seems disappointed or even hurt when a kid decides to do something other than what he wants them to do.  I remember when he wanted another boy to play chase with him on their tricycle and when the boy got up from his tricycle and went off and played something else, The Don shouted at the boy, “Hey, come back here”, as he pointed to the tricycle he was sitting on.  I told him that it’s ok; the boy doesn’t feel like playing anymore and to continue to play on his own.  It was hard to see the rejection that The Don felt when someone doesn’t want to play with him.

 

 

It’s even more hurtful when Bam Bam doesn’t want to play with  him all the time.  I love that The Don and Bam Bam play together.  I can see the brotherly bond that seems so perfect until they fight over toys but that’s expected in sibling relationships.  The thing is The Don doesn’t understand that Bam Bam is developing at a different stage and his interested isn’t the same as The Don’s.  I think although Bam Bam is smaller, The Don thinks their about the same developmentally. Bam Bam is only fifteen months old and he doesn’t have the energy to keep up with The Don. 

When the boys play chase or play with cars or play with a ball together, it’s fun as long as Bam Bam continues to play what The Don wants him to play.  As soon as Bam Bam gets tired or goes off and plays with something else, The Don gets frustrated and pulls Bam Bam to do what he wants him to do even if Bam Bam doesn’t want to.  I have to step in and tell The Don that he has to realize that Bam Bam can’t keep up with him because his legs are shorter than his or at his age he tends to get bored easily and tend to play with something else. 

At this age, Bam Bam likes to explore and won’t stay put for long.  I tell him that Bam Bam needs rest.  I tell him that Bam Bam will play with him later.  I also tell him it’s ok that Bam Bam does other things and you can continue to do what you want to do.  I sing to him, “If your friend doesn’t want to play with you, you can find something else to do.” 

Just like it’s his right to play by himself and not hang out with people he doesn’t feel like, it’s others right to decide who they want to play or hang out with.   Hopefully, this lesson will serve The Don in life to not take things personally if someone doesn’t want to play or hang out with you.  It’ll help him cope with his first heartbreak or job rejection.  It’ll show him that if things don’t work out the way you want it to move on and continue with life.  This is the most valuable lesson of all.


 
 

Don’t Let Him Choose

As The Don goes through his terrifying threes, I realize that there are certain things that I don’t let him do.  For example, talk back to me.  How many times do I have to ask him to do something and almost every time he tells me “No” or “I don’t want to.”  If I ask a simple request like put on your coat so we can go and he tells me no, then mama’s not a happy camper and neither will he.  I tell him if it’s for your safety, health, and well being, don’t tell me no. 

Another thing I don’t let him get his way all the time.  The Don is old enough to understand limits and boundaries so when he crosses those limits, I have to stop his mess or he’ll think he can walk all over me.  I know he likes to play at Smith Playground.  We spend about two to two and half hours there.  When it’s time to go, I give him a five minute warning.  After those five minutes, I let him know it’s time to go.  When he refuses, I have to pull or drag him out and make him put his coat on.  When I say something, I don’t back down.  I remember I was telling The Don that we were leaving and another mother said, “That’s what you think,” and laughed.  I told her, “No, that’s what’s going to happen.”  A father said, “Yup, it looks like they’re leaving.”  Lady, don’t undermine me, I can handle my child.

Finally, the biggest thing that I notice with The Don as of late is letting him have a choice is a dangerous and explosive thing.  I notice that if I give him a choice of A or B, he would choose A.  If I say Ok A it is, he starts to panic and wants B.  Now, I’m confused.  First he wanted A and I give him A but now he freaks out and wants B.  Does he not realize I accepted his choice? It’s like if I agree, he wants to disagree.  Sometimes it make my head hurt.  My husband made the mistake of letting The Don choose this past weekend at Target.

My husband grab the cart, put Bam Bam in while The Don stand in the front facing us.  My husband asks The Don, “Where do you want to go, straight or left.” 

The Don said, “Left”

“Ok” my husband says.  We turned left and then it happened. The Don got off the cart and starting running away from us turning the corner to go straight.  My husband and I were bewildered with this behavior and my husband went after him and brought him back to the cart and asked him again, “Left or Straight.” I told my husband not to ask him and we should go where we want to go.  “Straight.”  Then we went straight.  The Don ran back the other way that we went to the first place.  I was pissed and grabbed him back the original way and I told him “we are going this way.”  The Don started drag his feet and plop on the floor.  After pulling a screaming child for about a couple of minutes my husband had to pull him to the side and threaten no TV and playing in his room all day.  He also threatens to take him out of the store if he didn’t behave.  I don’t know what worked but it worked.

I thought the two’s were something developmental wise, year three is giving me some doozy. Some of these development stages are giving me a headache and making me say, “What the fuck is going on with him?” I think it’s The Don think he knows it all and realizing he doesn’t frustrates him so in order to get his way, he try to throw tantrums. That’s not going to work.   You don’t scare me terrible threes, (well maybe just a little), I will defeat you.