Reconsidering wanting a daugther

In one of my nurturing moments, I thought about having a third child.  I thought about what if my third child was a daughter.  I thought about what she would look like, how her mannerism would different from the boys, would she be a mini me or more of a daddy’s little girl.  I thought about how she would turn out as a grown woman and how independent I hope she would be like I was when I was younger.  I thought about how she would be confident and fearless yet nurturing, kind, and thoughtful.  I thought about her meeting a nice man that would treat her like a queen and they would get married one day.  I would see my daughter in her bridal gown looking so beautiful dancing with her husband.  My daughter’s wedding would be perfect.  But then I attendant my sister’s wedding and it changed my mind about wanting a daughter.

Weddings are beautiful and magical.  It’s great to see two people who really love each other say their vows in front of family and friends, making it official to the world that they will spend the rest of their lives together.  However, when I seen how everything has to be planned to the tee in order for it to be a perfect day, it’s very stressful for the bride’s family.  From the perfect dress, to the perfect shoes, to the perfect cake, to the perfect song, to renting the perfect hall, the bride and her family are very stressed out people.  I don’t know from the groom side of the family point of view, but the only stress the groom has that I see is showing up on time.  Helping my sister get dressed, to knowing when to walk down the aisle, to helping serving the bride and grooms food, to when their first dance need to happen, it’s a lot of work. 


I planned my wedding and I know how stressful it is to plan the perfect wedding, so why did I have this revelation now about the stress of planning a wedding with my fictitious daughter?  Probably because I was on the other side of the wedding helping the bride not the one being helped and catered to.  I was one of the people to help make the wedding perfect for my sister.  I felt like my head was chopped off and I was running around and asking what the bride and groom wanted to do as far as when to dance or when they would like the cake cut.  If it wasn’t for my husband helping out and giving the bride and groom direction as to what comes next and when, the wedding may not have flowed as well. I know what you may think, “If it was planned right, then it should go smoothly.”  Yes and No.  Yes, if you planned it should go smoothly but if the food is late or the band isn’t playing the right songs (this didn’t happen at my sisters wedding by the way), then no planning in the world would prepare you for imperfections. 

If I ever get that nurturing feeling again and wanting to have a third child, I might have to reconsider.  Although it would be nice to have a daughter, in the end, daughters are expensive.  Daughters you have to worry about who would protect her when my husband and I are gone.  Yes, I know she could learn to protect herself but as a parent, it’s comforting to know that a good man besides her father is looking after her.  It’s a good feeling to know that your daughter is protected and safe. I would worry for my sons but as grown men, I wouldn’t worry that much about them because men don’t usually take advantage of other men as men tend to take advantage of women. At this point in time, I’m good with having boys.  No daughter needed.


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