I Really Enjoy My Kids Today

I know what you’re thinking.  Shouldn’t you enjoy your kid’s everyday?  Yes, I should and no I do not.  As hard as it for me to say it and for you to hear it, I do not enjoy my kid’s everyday.  With The Don talking back and giving attitude and Bambino screaming and crying because he doesn’t want to take his naps and starting his little temper tantrums of his own, you couldn’t blame me for not enjoying my kid’s everyday.  Man, I tell you, they can be very exhausting.  However, today I really enjoyed my kids.

We went to the Allen Lane Park.  It was a very nice day, a little winding but unusually warm.  The Don was being a great big brother by pushing Bambino in the umbrella stroller.  The boys slide down slides and Bambino is getting good at walking on grass.  Bambino was trying to climb the stairs just like his big brother The Don.  The Don was helping Bambino, giving him directions on how to climb the slope that looked like a rock climbing scheme. I’m loving the sibling comradery  It was also good that I didn’t have to keep an eye on The Don too much and he go and play on the bigger slides while I’m tending to Bambino. I can trust The Don a little more as far as staying where I can see him. This is the moment that I was waiting for.  I wanted to be one of those parents that can look from a distance or sit on the bench while my child can play without me hovering over them. 

I look at my boys and I see how they are growing; maturing in a kid sort of way if you know what I mean.  The Don can handle himself at the park and trying something new by tackling the monkey bars as best as he could. Bambino is trying to handle himself although he would try to deny my help by pushing my hand away, is seeing his independence more clearly because he can do more. So yes, I enjoyed my kids today.  I’m enjoying their growth as little people and for this one day, I’m appreciating who they really are…fun kids

Middle of the night waking Mystery

A couple of nights here and there, The Don has been waking up in the middle of the night.  I thought it was strange one night when I went to the bathroom and looked down at the staircase to see a glow coming from The Don’s room.  This is the first time I’ve notice The Don was up in the middle of the night. 

It was about three in the morning when I notice his bedroom light was on.  I checked the monitor to see what was going on.  The Don was playing with his toys.  What could have caused him to wake up and not fall asleep?  I know around the age of three years old, children start to have nightmares and or night terrors but I didn’t hear anything screaming or yelling to insist that it was a bad dream.  So I went downstairs to see why The Don was up.  I knocked on the door and The Don answered, looking playful as usual but didn’t seem distressed.  “Why are you up little man?”  I asked The Don which he couldn’t answer.  I looked around the room and noticed that the potty had pee in it.  I assumed that this was the reason The Don didn’t or should I say couldn’t go back to sleep because he doesn’t know how to tuck himself back in to sleep. But The Don got back up sometime before seven o’clock when I nursed Bambino because when my husband tried to get him an hour later, The Don was asleep on his Batman couch. The Don went potty as well this time a poopy. So that night, I tucked him in and for the passed three night, my husband or myself would show The Don how to tuck himself in just in case that this was the reason why he couldn’t get back to sleep. 

The second night this happen, I heard something in the monitor that made me look to see what was up in The Don’s room around one forty five in the morning.  It looked like The Don was going away from the potty in his room to turn the lights on.  So, I went downstairs to see why he was up.  I figured that he couldn’t tuck himself in again and needed help.  I poured out the pee and tucked him back into bed.  About an hour later, I looked at the monitor to see The Don getting back up to turn the lights on.  I figured like the first time, he would play and then fall asleep in about three hours.  This time, The Don stood up from two forty five until one forty five when I made him take a nap.  Something must be troubling him to stay awake all night.

Last night when I had my middle of the night potty break, I saw the glow of The Don’s bed room little again.  It was about three forty in the morning.  I don’t know how long he has been up but I went downstairs to check up on him again.  I’m assuming that he went to the potty again and he couldn’t tuck himself back to sleep or know that he could tuck himself back to sleep.  I knocked on the door and asked my usual question, “Why aren’t you sleeping? Did you have a bad dream?”  The Don really couldn’t answer because he doesn’t know why or can’t explain why he can’t sleep or what a bad dream is.  I looked at the potty and there wasn’t any pee.  Now I’m getting nervous because either he has a lot on his mind and can’t sleep (which is good) or he’s having nightmares and do want to go to sleep (which is bad).  When I asked him to lay in the bed The Don said, “No bed!” It wasn’t panicky it sounded like he didn’t want to go to sleep.  I tucked him in and this time he stayed in the bed and slept until my husband was about to leave.

What these nights have in common is all three of this nights, The Don had three hour naps.  I wondered if the naps contribute to The Don not sleeping.  I hope so.  If he is having bad dreams, I didn’t hear him scream and he’s handling it pretty well if he was.  I’m just going to keep an eye out to make sure that it’s nothing serious and that it’s a developmental phase.  I don’t know why I’m worried because when someone can’t go back to sleep, the best advice is to not stay in bed but to do something until your body is ready to sleep again.  I guess The Don might be on to something. The Don will sleep again and this phrase will pass or is it the beginning of something else?

My Little Helper

The Don has been my little helper lately.  The Don wants to do this and wants to do that that I look at him sometimes and ask myself, “Who are you?” 

The Don is entering the independent/I know what I’m doing phase of his development and I kind of like it.  However, certain things that he’s trying to do, he doesn’t know what he is doing and although for him to want to help out is a welcome change of events, the boy still needs guidance for in which he will refuse my help.

For example, when I’m pushing Bambino in the stroller, The Don will tell me, “Let go! Let go,” telling me to let go of the stroller.  The thing is that he doesn’t know how to turn the stroller well and crossing the street while pushing the stroller is a distraction I can’t afford.  Sorry son, I’m not trying to die today because you want to be “Mr. Independent.”  So I do compromise in letting him push the stroller but will jump in while crossing the street or if he’s veering off to the street.  The Don seems happy with this situation.  I was very impressed that he steadied the stroller very well and had the upper body strength to push the stroller for forty five minutes. 

The Don pushing stroller

 Also, The Don wants to push the shopping cart every time we go to Target too and would push my hand away if I even think of pushing the cart myself.  Oh, he would get upset if you try to help him, although his eyes are a little below the handle of the cart he is pushing but if he’s happy and keeps him from running around the store so be it.  I still guide him if he needs but I don’t let him see me.  He gives me that “I know you’re not pushing the cart for me are you mommy?”  I tell him, “I’m not pushing the cart see”, as I quickly move my hands away from the front side of the cart.

The Don pushing shopping cart

 

The Don also wants to help me cook.  What!  Yes, The Don wants to help me cook. I let him help with the clean up like if I need to put something in the trash or a box in the recycling bin, I’ll have him to that for me.  I’m slowly letting him help me put things in the pots or pan to cook.  Mostly, I have him stir something where he doesn’t have the risk of getting burnt.  The Don seems happy with that arrangement for now.

The Don Cooking

 
In Essence, I’m very proud that The Don wants to learn more and to do things for himself.  Sometimes I have to realize that he can do certain things and to allow him to learn so he can grow.  Although I get nervous when he does something new, I have to realize that over time, The Don will master that skill and everything will be alright.  I don’t want to hinder his independence, but if I know when he’s pushing the cart, stroller, or cooking and he doing something that will endanger himself or others, I will step in to guide him even if he think he knows it all.  So far, he is turning out to be a very good kid.  I love him to pieces.

Bambino’s Walking!

I knew this day would come.  Well, I hope it was coming sooner or later.  Bambino is walking!  Bambino took his tentative steps a couple of weeks before he turned eleven months and slowly but surely, Bambino started to balance himself and walked.  With the help or should I say, pushiness of my husband; having Bambino steady himself and walk every change he got in succession, Bambino doesn’t seem like he’s been walking for only four days.

I guess it was my fault that my husband kind of pushed Bambino to walk like he did.  I told my husband that I wanted to see Bambino walk before I returned to work.  My husband had Bambino walking towards me from short distance, then from longer, and then from the middle of the hallway, and then, down the hallway.  My husband was a maniac!  Bambino didn’t seem to mind and I knew that he was ready.  How did I know you ask?  Last Monday, Bambino was in his room and all of a sudden, he pushed himself up from a crawling position, stood on his feet and balanced himself without holding on to anything.  I knew that he was ready. 

With all the nap regression (he still does it) it was worth it to see my little Bambino walking.  It’s funny with all the milestones that I want to see in my children, walking is the number one milestone that make me so proud.  It’s the sign of independence that is exciting but a little frightening as well.  Congratulation Bambino, now the fun begins for the both of us.

Bambino Walking; Co-staring The Don

Tough Finding a Job

When my husband and I decided that I would be a stay at home mother, I realize that I was giving up my job and the money that I could be bringing in to the family.  I also realized that the longer that I stayed out of work, the less marketable I would become.  The plan was when The Don turned a year that I would get a job and go back to work.  I submitted resumes here and there and although I got a few calls back and interviews, it didn’t seem like my confidence was there at the interview to show them that I could do the job.  Maybe because at the time it was a year and a few months since I worked.  Then I got pregnant with Bambino and after another year and a half, I started my job search again.

Let’s get a little background of my work experience.  I was an Accounting Manager for Radisson Plaza Warwick, which is now, Radisson Plaza Blu.  You may think that being an accountant, it’s easy to get an accounting job; it’s debits and credits right? Yes and No.  Accounting is more that debit and credits.  Unless I have a master degree in accounting or a CPA, the title of Accounting Manager is a little misleading.  I have the abilities of a Staff Accountant but when someone looks at my resume and see Accounting Manager, there looking for someone who knows budgeting, cash flows, schedules etc. I haven’t dealt with that but I can learn it and that’s not what employers what to hear.  You have to know it.

After three years of being out, I’ve been lucky to have interviews but the question remains in the employers mind:  Can she do the job?  I would say yes but if I need help would you help me?  There answer is usually “Yes, but we expect the person we hire to have the answers.”  I respect there position because they don’t feel that they have to help me because I suppose to get paid to help them.  At this rate, unless I find someone who is willing to give me a chance, then it would be a while until I get a job.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ll get one; when is the other question and who will get me a chance.

If I knew when we decide for me to say home with the children that I would be rough getting a job, I would have done something in my field at least once a month to keep my skills fresh in my memory.  I will say to the mother would decide to stay home, please do something in your field even if it’s volunteer work so you can be marketable if or when you decide to go back to work.  I realize that although employers see that it’s honorable to stay home with the kids, however, it’s not acceptable to let your skills set go because you’re raising a family. So whatever field you’re in or considering, keep up you skills to be marketable for employment.  The employer will think that it’s great that you stayed home with your children but they’re there to conduct business.  Although it’s honorable to stay at home and heart warming, employers will smile at you, thank you for your time, and put your resume on file for six months. 

It’s so frustrating to explain to employers that I chose to raise a family, expecting them to see it as honorable and yet hoping they see that I did a good thing for my families grow instead of seeing that I put my career on hold.    If employers can’t respect my decision to stay at home, they weren’t the right company to work for anyway.  I know I will get a job somewhere.  It will take some time.

 

Rocky Bit The Don and Now I Have to Say Goodbye

I brought Rocky home from the SCPA in 2007 because my ex at the time wanted a dog.  I already had a dog name Missy and so it would be nice if she had a friend to play with as well.  Although Rocky was suppose to be my ex’s dog, I was the one taking care of him and training him.  I fell in love with Rocky.  Rocky would cuddle with you on the couch and was always ready to play.  After my ex left, so he left Rocky too.  I didn’t care; I was the one taking care of him. 

 

 

Rocky and Hubby four years ago

Rocky was very playful but he was also very protective and very aggressive around other dogs and small children.  This frightens me a little.  For no reason to my knowledge he would see other dog clearly across the street and would bark at the dog aggressively.  Even if small children walked by him, he would bark and try to get at them.  Other than those two concerns, Rocky is a very good dog.  He even saved my life once. Although Rocky calm down and not try to attack small children, maybe because we have two small children at home, he would still bark at other dogs.  Before my husband and I had children, this was a fear of mine that Rocky would hurt one of our children because he is so aggressive.  That fear became a reality last Thursday.

My mother in law was watching the kids while I went on a job interview. When I came home, I notice there was marks on The Don’s forehead that look like scratches.  I didn’t think anything of it until my mother in law told me that Rocky bit him.  My mother in law left The Don and Rocky in the kitchen while she went upstairs to tend to Bambino.  She heard a growl and then The Don screaming and crying like crazy.  When she went downstairs, The Don’s face was covered with blood.  My mother in law thinks that when she told The Don to put his food in the trash either The Don dropped the food on the floor, Rocky got to it and The Don was trying to take it away from him. The other scenario is The Don dropped the food, Rocky got to it, and The Don’s face was near Rocky’s to watch him eat. Either these scenarios would cause Rocky to bite The Don.

There’s a reason that we don’t leave The Don and Rocky by themselves because of shit like this that could happen.  My mother in law was so concerned about Rocky being lonely and not part of the family, that she was careless to leave them alone.  There’s a reason that Rocky is not around The Don because The Don could hurt him as well by pulling his tail, or ears, or try to put his finger up Rocky’s nose, or hugging him too hard around the neck.  We told her about why he’s not around the family a lot because of his aggressiveness. Also, the fact that my mother in law isn’t stern with Rocky doesn’t help the situation of controlling Rocky’s behavior; she enables it. 

Looking at my son’s bit up, swollen face, it was a good thing that Rocky didn’t bite The Don’s eye and blinded him.  This was a wake up call to me.  I had this gut feeling that this may happen to one of the kids and although Rocky may not have meant to hurt him, I can’t be sure that it wasn’t intentional.  So it breaks my heart that I have to find Rocky another home.  I can’t risk the next time The Don does something to the dog and Rocky bites him even harder because he got away with biting him and he wasn’t reprimanded when my mother in law was in charge.  It’s not fair to Rocky to be isolated from everyone because of what he did.  Honestly, ever since The Don was born, Rocky was isolated and became more isolated when Bambino was born.  I just couldn’t trust Rocky not to hurt them. 

It may seem cruel to all the dog lovers out there to get rid of their dog if they hurt the kids but I choose the safety of my children over my dog.  I don’t want to risk being wrong and next time this could happen again.  It’s a matter of The Don sneaking over to Rocky while I’m in the bathroom and then WHAM, Rocky bites The Don.  I’m making sure that Rocky gets a good home. I’ve enlisted the help of Pet Pro Services that specialize in rehoming animals so Rocky can get a good home and hopefully, he can get the attention and love that he needs because I can’t provide that to him right now. 

I will miss Rocky very much but I can’t trust him around my children.  The safety of my children comes first; it will always come first no matter how much I love Rocky. I will do my duty to make sure that the next owner will treat Rocky good and hopefully train him so he can work out his aggression issues.  I want what’s safest and best solution for both The Don and Rocky.  I hope Rocky can forgive me.

Positive Parenting Can Kiss My Ass!

The Don can be a little asshole sometimes.  Yes, I said it.  He can be an asshole sometimes and as for the self righteous parents who never, ever in a millions years; even if little Jimmy almost set their cat on fire; could never, ever be consider their precious snowflake an asshole. Pardon fucking me your highness that you’re kid is so great that they never pissed you off to the point of no return.  Well, my three year old have and that’s why he’s an asshole.

The Don would pull on the dogs tail, push Bambino over knocking him down, he would take the pillows off the couch and not put them back.  He would put the plunger in the toilet and not take it out.  He won’t finish his dinner and could continually say ‘NO’ if asked him to eat.  I would tell him not to touch something and he would continue to touch even after the third or fourth time telling him not to.  When asked to clean his room, he would continue to play with his toys without cleaning until I have to get on him about it.  When you tell him to stop unaccepatable behavior, he would just laughs at you. The Don would cut you off if you’re explaining something to him by saying “and you’re done” because he doesn’t want to hear you anymore. Like I said, he’s a little asshole.

So I’m trying to do this ‘positive parenting’ thing with The Don to see if a change of direction would make him less of an asshole. Every time he would do something that’s unacceptable, I would talk to him in a calm voice to tell him what he was doing was wrong.  I would tell him not to jump off the couch because he can “hurt” himself.  I would tell him not to pull on the dog’s tail because he can “hurt” the dog.  I would tell him to eat his dinner because he would be hungry later if he didn’t.  I will tell him to clean his room so he will have more time to play with daddy.

Do you think explaining to a three year old in an adult dialogue would have a positive experience for him and help him behave?  Hell no!  It only makes him sneaky about his antics.  It makes him test the boundaries a little more to see if I would let things slide.  To me, being nice to an asshole is counterproductive.  You don’t get respect from an asshole if you’re nice and trying to reason with them.  Would you go to an asshole and say, “I know you told me to go fuck myself, but let’s sit down and talk about why you told me to go fuck myself.”  The asshole will laugh in your face and see you as a push over. You see the problem here?  You can’t reason with an asshole.  With that in mind, I not trying to be an asshole, but I’m letting The Don know that I’m not taking his shit.  It consists of taking privileges away because consequences come with his actions.  It consists of raising my voice when necessary to know that I’m serious.  It consist of sticking to meaning what I say when I say it when I warning him of his behavior and the consequences that will following if the rules are broken.

Trying to be positive in parenting is very tiresome.  I mean how positive do I have to be in order for The Don to listen to what I have to say?  I had high hopes for this positive parenting thing.  I’m trying to not hurt my child’s ‘feelings’ in hopes that one day, he will come out to be well rounded and not mentally fucked up in the head human being.  If my son would have suffered a little mental anguish just to be a decent human being so be it.  It wouldn’t hurt my son to raise my voice or to tell him no ever now and again. So fuck you positive parenting! You’re philosophy doesn’t work with my family. You guys can kiss my ass!