Going out with a potty trained preschooler is like playing beat the clock. You have to time when they last went to the potty to however long that it takes for your preschooler to scream “Go Potty!” I don’t know about you, but I have to time when The Don last go to the potty, which is usually before we leave the house, to what ever place we have to go. The Don usually has a full bladder around the two in a half to three hour mark. I guess that not too bad if you’re out running a quick errand. But if I plan to be out of more than two to three hours, I need a bathroom plan. When we are out, you would think that we would look for the nearest exit in case of an emergency. Nope, not me. With two kids and one of them is potty trained, I have to look for the nearest restroom. Is it close to the exit or in the back of the store? I need to know the quickest routine there too just in case I have a preschooler asking to go potty or a screaming baby that needs to be changed, quick, fast, and in a hurry.
Last Friday our shopping trip was to Trader Joes. When we got in line, it was about the two hour mark since the last time The Don went potty. Sometimes I wonder if I should see if The Don could hold it until we get home. Driving home is only twenty minutes away. But what if the Kelly Driveis block in the direction we need to get home and I need to take the expressway? If the drive is block then everyone would be taking the expressway right? Then the expressway would be crowded. What if I get stuck on the expressway and The Don says he has to go potty?’ These are the scenarios that I conjure up in my head. Yup, I’m crazy like that.
Anyway back to the story, We got in line ready to pay for the groceries. I asked The Don if he has to go potty. He usually repeats the question.
“Do you have to potty, yes or no?”
“Yes,” The Don answered.
We waited in line to go to the bathroom. There were two men waiting before us and The Don kept saying, “Go Potty!”
“You have to wait in line. There are two other people waiting in line before us so they have to go first.”
In Trader Joes, there are two single bathrooms. One of the bathrooms people were coming in and out of but the second bathroom was questionable. Maybe no one was in there. Maybe the bathroom was out of order. We were waiting there for almost ten minutes while the other two people took their turn. Then finally, the second bathroom opened up. It was a young lady coming out. I figured that she could have be sick or on the phone but it never crossed my mind what she was actually doing in there.
I was so focused on getting The Don to the bathroom when the stinch of shit hit my nose.
“Whoa! She took a dookie in here. The Don, can’t you smell it?”
Now don’t ask me why that I ask my three year to smell funky shit but I think it’s just something you say, not that I wanted my son to smell shit.
“Hurry up and go pee so we can get out of here.”
I put Bambino on the changing table and quick swap the dirty with the clean diaper. The Don lifted up the seat and tried to pee.
“What are you doing? Are you going to pee or not?”
The Don was just standing there looking at the toilet bowl. I noticed that his penis was touching the outside of the bowl. I figured that he needed to hold his penis to pee.
“Hold your penis. Hold your penis and pee! Come on it’s stinks in here.”
He held his penis. Nothing. The Don said, “Not here. I pee over there.”
I was confused. It looked like he wanted to pee on the side of the toilet.
“Stop playing! If you don’t have to pee, then let’s ok.”
“Then go pee.”
The Don let out a tinkle maybe a little more than a tinkle. It wasn’t potty emergency worthy.
“That’s it? I thought you had to go potty.”
The Don started to pull up his pants slowly but the stench of this chicks shit was climbing fast up my nose. I felt like I wanted to gag.
“Come on, pull up you underwear and pants. It’s stinks in here.”
I helped him pull up his underwear and pants. I turned on the water to help him wash his hands.
“Put your hands in the water and wash your hands.”
I put some soap in his hands. The Don wanted to take his time and play with the water. Am I’m the only one who smell the stinch of shit? The Don doesn’t seem to be phased by it. I told him to stop playing. I turned the water off and as fast as I could, pulled the paper towels down from the dispenser.
“I dried my hands.” The Don said excitedly.
“Yeah, Yeah, come on let’s get out of here.”
If I ever in a situation where I have to wait more than five to ten minutes for a bathroom and I find out that someone shitted in there, The Don would have to wait. I’m not taking a risk and being stuck in a smelly bathroom while The Don takes his sweet time decided to pee or not to pee. I’ll take my chances being stuck on the highway.