My One Birthday Wish

This past Saturday, I had only one wish for my birthday and that is a date with my husband.  In all honesty, I miss him.  I miss what we use to be before the kids.  When kids come along, if you’re not careful, you can lose yourself in your children and forget about your relationship with your husband creating a distance between the two of you. It’s very important to reconnect, to build the fire in your relationship and make each other important again.

Looking through our bedroom closet trying to find what to wear for our date; all I had was my pre-baby dresses.  You know that type of dress that is very flattering to your figure; snug yet not too revealing, gives you sex appeal and kind of short. Yeah, those were the good old days. I miss wearing those types of dresses.  Since being diagnosed with Diastatis Recti with my stomach muscles still stretched out and flabs of fat and wrinkly skin hanging, my belly isn’t as flattering as it once was before the children.  My mini pouch just sticks out in those dresses, giving me the look of being five months pregnant and I felt a little depressed.  I knew what I was in for when I had children, but having the Diastatis Recti and my mini pouch just wasn’t what I expected at all. 

I was going to give up and just put on one of my maternity dress pants, a blouse, and a suit jack and call it a day. But something told me to look in the second floor hall closet and see if there was an outfit in there. 

‘Please let there be something in there that I could wear,’ I said to myself. ‘I don’t want to wear an ugly business suit. I wanted to look pretty on my special day.’

Lo and behold, there was a summer dress that was black with red flowers on it that could possibly work.  ‘Could this possibly fit?’  I slip the dress on; carefully pulling in down and praying that it would fit.  Yes! It’s a winner! It hides my belly.  I guess I wasn’t too fat to fit in this dress. I got dressed and I was ready to go.

It was about quarter to six and I was talking to my mother in law in the kitchen to let her know what to do with the kids while she baby sat when my husband came through the door.  I haven’t seen his eyes lid up when he saw me in a long time.  It was like he was surprised that I could look so beautiful.  You have to imagine him seeing me with glasses, maternity jeans or sweat pants and a large T-shirt, hair unkempt, to this woman who had her hair done; wearing contacts, beautiful flower dress, and wear perfume that smelled like roses.  My husband couldn’t believe his eyes.  I swore I saw him blush.  When we got to the car, he said “You look very pretty,” and at that moment although I have the Diastatis Recti, pouch and fat hanging belly, I actually felt pretty.

Since my husband is a controller for Ruth Chris Steak house, I requested that we eat there because we eat for free and it helps save money than going out to eat.  For those who read my blog we are vegetarians.  Yes, I know Ruth Chris is a steak house, but they also have seafood.  Yes, vegetarians can eat seafood.  My husband and I had a great time at dinner. We sat close to each other and snuggled close together like we were dating for the first time. We laughed, joked around, and got a kick out of our server who was sucking up to my husband because he was a boss. It felt like the way it uses to be before the kids.  I missed us and it felt good going out just the two of us after three in a half years of not going out.

Hubby and Me at birthday Dinner

After our date, I went upstairs, got undressed and looked at the pouch belly with the flab hanging and I felt depressed again.  Although I dressed pretty and felt pretty for those two hours, the reality is this belly isn’t pretty.  No dress can hide that.  My husband says he doesn’t care what I look like and it’s expected when you birth two children, but I do care.  Next years birthday wish is for my belly to disappear and my self esteem to reappear.  My birthday wish next year is to be comfortable in my own skin.


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