I never thought motherhood could be disheartening sometimes. I never thought that motherhood can be so draining not only physically but mentally as well. There are times that I feel guilty about the things I do as a mother like; yell at The Don when I tell him to stop whining or screaming or when Bambino was an infant, I screamed at him one night to go to sleep. I feel guilty sometimes when I lose my patience when The Don has a temper tantrum. I would close the door and lock him in his room and walking away to cool down. Until I cool down. It’s better than hitting him, right? No, that’s not right? I’m a bad mother to you because I wasn’t patient enough with my son to talk him out of his tantrum after he refuses to go to bed? I’m a bad mother because I screamed at my baby to go to sleep because I only had four hours of sleep per night for the past two weeks? Pardon me, but are you me? Do you know my temperament? Do you know my children’s temperament? You’re mother of the year, right? You my dear, sicken me. Motherhood sickens me.
The lack of support that mothers give each other sickens me. I can’t be honest about how stressful motherhood can be because the way society glorifies mothers as some sort of perfect angelic being. Flawless in every endeavor; she should NEVER get angry, she should NEVER be sad, she should NEVER lose her temper. The illusion of this angelic being has kept mother’s who are really suffering from depression and/or hopelessness in dealing with motherhood no outlet or nobody to confide in for the fear of their thoughts and feeling being judged and executed by self righteous, mother of the year mothers. Those same mothers would burn you at the stake if you complain about the slightest infraction that happen to you in your journey in motherhood. Their response would be along the lines of:
‘What do you mean you’re not be happy being a mother?’
‘Something must be wrong with you. I love being a mother.’
‘You should never had kids.’
‘If they are so bad, why don’t you give them up for adoption? There are plenty of people who would love that child better than you can.’
The problem is that mother’s are not honest to each other about motherhood. It’s like these women want to save face and don’t want to seem flawed, weak, or vulnerable. It’s these same mother’s who says, ‘My children never get on my nerves. I never once yelled at my kids. My kids always do what I tell them to do.’ LAIR! Admit it, motherhood isn’t sugar, spice, and everything nice. When a mother complains about her kids, or says that they are little ‘monsters’, ‘heathens’, or ‘demon spawns’, she’s venting and need someone to hear her; to help her. That mother wants to feel like she’s not alone in the struggle of motherhood. But she wouldn’t get any sympathy. She’ll get the cold stare of confusion. She’ll get the ‘I don’t get it’ look. She’ll get the mother who would talk behind her back saying that she’s a bad mother because she doesn’t mother the way she would.
Mother’s need to admit that they are human beings and they are entitled to make mistakes. Be real. Motherhood isn’t all that’s cracked up to be and motherhood isn’t as easy for every mother. If mother’s would be honest with their children, especially their daughters about motherhood, maybe there would be less teen pregnancy; that would scare them straight, they wouldn’t want to have sex.
I will start curing the sickness by being honest about one of my experiences in motherhood:
“The Don is a sweet boy. I love him to pieces. But sometimes he can be annoying, rude, and whining and it can drive me crazy. Its hard dealing with a three year old with a strong will and would display powerful, ear piercing temper tantrums if he doesn’t get his way. When he does his temper tantrums, I usually ignore him. But if he’s screaming in my face, I yell at him back and say, ‘Don’t yell in my face!'”
Ah, that felt better. Do I feel bad that I yell at my son? Yes, I do. Does this make me human? Of course it does. I’m tired of trying to live up to an angelic being that society think I should be, but in reality doesn’t exist. I’m walking on eggshells trying not to be ‘too harsh’ with my children if they act out of line in front of other people. I should be able to parent the way I see fit without looks of disapproval. Let’s cure this sickness, this illusion of what motherhood should be and help a fellow mother out if she’s struggling or stressed instead of abandoning her, judging her, and making her feel alone and less than a perfect mother; which she could never obtain to be.