Braving the Storm

I use to love thunderstorms. I love hearing the pouring of the rain, the clashing of thunder, and the occasional show of lightning. It was an exciting event and all in the privacy of my home. Last nights thunderstorms in Philly, however, were a little frightening. 

The evening started off with The Don cleaning his room. The sky was darkening by the thunder clouds. It was about seven o’clock when we heard the first thunder boom. The Don was covering his ears as the thunder boom sounded a second time. The thunder sounded like it was over our house and the boom crackling noise sound like it was echoing in a tunnel. The Don started to get nervous and started to cry because of the loud sound. I was sitting in The Don’s room holding Bambino trying to convince him it was alright and to continue to clean his room. I explain to him that thunderstorms were apart of nature and that it is normal to hear thunder in a rain storm sometimes. Moments after the second thunder boom, the pouring rain appeared. The rain gushed and the winds blew to what looked like forty to fifty miles per hour. I thought that if The Don sat on my lap to watch the storm with Bambino that would comfort him a little more. The Don stood there, looking at the window and stared at the pouring rain and covering his ears as he anticipates the next thunder boom. I’ve asked the husband if he wanted to come down to The Don’s room to watch the storm with us, but the husband insisted that we come upstairs because the view is better. 

The Don, Bambino, and I went upstairs to one of the bedrooms to get a good look at the storm. I wanted The Don to see that the storm was normal and be brave. My husband and The Don were looking out one window and I was looking out the other window holding Bambino. The winds and the rain of the storm were amazing. The tree branches were blowing from side to side and then you could hear the howling of the wind. The rain was coming through the windows and the water was dripping on the floor. My husband saw lighting bolt out of his side of the window and was trying to show The Don. But The Don was still afraid and covering his ears as more thunder booms roared in the sky. At the window that I was standing, the rain poured and with the help of the wind, the rain was banging on the glass causing the window to shake. There was a four by maybe sixteen inch screen placed at the opening of the window and when the wind came closer and more forceful towards the window, it pushed the light weighted screen out bringing the fifty a mile winds and rain into the room. I backed up from the window holding Bambino and ran towards my husband. It seems like the wind was telling me to “GET BACK” it was so scary. As the storm let up a little, The Don was seeming pretty calm now and wasn’t afraid of the storm. I however, was still shaken up by the wind pushing through the window screen at such force. It reminds me of those demonic theme movies where the evil spirit was coming close to a house in the woods and their evil, powerful energy would blow out the windows trying to enter the house. It was that scary. 

Here I am telling The Don be brave, but there I was, frightened by that gust of wind and rains. Although The Don didn’t see it on my face how frighten I was, I felt it in my soul. I know sometimes with The Don that I tend to not make a big deal of any hurt or scary feelings that he shows so he could see that things are alright even when you feel bad, sad, mad, or scared. It’s like a “get over it” mentality; it’s a sign of weakness. I need to let him feel what he feels and let him know that it’s ok to feel that way. Although it’s tough because raising a boy I don’t want him to feel weak or show weakness because sometimes showing weakness could get him picked on or bullied at school and in life. But I think if I teach him to acknowledge his feelings, but find a way to deal with it in a positive way, then he would be ok. I don’t want him to hold in his feelings like they don’t exist; like his feelings are not real. Those feelings are very real.

In any storm in life, whether metaphorically or in a real life thunderstorm, whatever feelings The Don may have, he has to find a way to deal with them regardless of the fear of the outcome or in this case, the next thunder boom. Being strong for The Don is tough when sometimes I’m not strong myself. I hope my exterior shows him that he can be courageous and strong in any storm while I internally conquer my fears in the mean time. In the words of the late Nelson Mandela, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” I need to tell The Don that it’s ok to feel afraid because eventually, when you conquer that fear, everything will be ok. It will be ok.

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