I was at the park yesterday and I met a mommy friend that I usually see at the park a lot before I stopped going because the park was overcrowd with daycare center kids. We caught up on things that happened in our lives over the past year and how big our boys got. She never seen my second son and commented how cute he was. Then she proceeded to say, “Oh, you got to have another one. You have to try for the girl.”
Now I get this comment often when I tell people or if they see I have two sons. I remember this one woman at Target a few months back commenting on how cute my oldest son was (for those who don’t know, my sons are biracial) and commenting to my husband and I to have another one. I told her that we have another one and pointed to the shopping cart. My infant son was inside the shopping cart in his car seat so the woman couldn’t see him. When she found out that my second one was a boy also, she commented on her daughter who was biracial as well saying how pretty she was and we need to try to have a girl. You should have seen the look on my face. My face looked worse than those self morphing picture apps you would use to morph your face into a funny face for laughs. I told her, “No, I’m good.” Then my husband was telling the woman, “We have to at least try” and the woman agreed. I wanted to slap that woman so hard and tell her to mind her damn business; putting her two cents in when no one asked her for her chump change. The nerve of that woman.
Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to have a daughter and yes my husband would like one or another child for that matter but I’m not eager or yearning to have another child; son or daughter. The thought of going through nine months of pregnancy, dealing with painful labor, the breastfeeding, the crying, the sleepless nights, the lack of privacy, the…well you get the picture. Some days when the kids are good and I’m in a good mood, I ponder what it would be like to have a third child whether son or daughter. I can see the three kids playing, getting into trouble,”The Crew” I would call them. But there are times that reality hit me hard like a ton of bricks to wake me up from this fancy; a night like last night.
My infant son wasn’t napping for long periods of time yesterday and was very cranky. He was very tired or teething because he kept chewing his spoon and didn’t want to eat, or he’s going through another growth spurt. Either way it’s causing him to be Mr. Cranky pants all day. My oldest was good this morning until later in the afternoon when he started to get clingy and wanted to be around me all day. Although I appreciate that he loves me so much, he always picks a moment when I’m doing something with his brother.
After my infant son’s bath and I started to put his bath tub away, my infant son started crying. Then my oldest started crying about reading a story. So they both started crying. I finish putting the bathtub away, went back into my infant son bedroom to put back the mat from the changing table where the bathtub stood. The cry was intense from both, so I walked away again and told my oldest not to follow. I put my laundry away in my bedroom to get away from them. When I was done, I walked back into my infant son’s room and then the crying started again from both.
I went downstairs, got some water and snacks and went back upstairs. I picked up the baby and sat on the floor with my oldest and started to read “Good as Gold” from Winnie the Pooh series. As I was reading, my oldest started whining. I asked him what is it and to use his words so I can understand. He kept crying while my infant son was trying to get out of my arms. My husband enters the room and sat beside him and asks him to use his words. He kept crying and I just sat there motionless. I didn’t know whether I should cry, scream, or yell out loud. I felt like I was breaking down. I just felt numb. I let my infant son get on his belly then he rolled to his back. My husband got the baby and wanted to see him roll again and he bumped his head crying. Then my oldest started crying again. I walked out the room and went into the bedroom that I use to sleep in; that I miss. That bedroom provided me with quiet; an escape into my thoughts without being interrupted. Where I miss being alone and intimate with my husband without worrying about screaming kids calling for me.
After five minutes of solitude, I went into my infant son’s room and immediately took my birth control pills, the one I miss the day before and the one for yesterday. I won’t dare miss another pill again. No, no, no! Days like these I’m ready to get my tubes tied immediately. What was I thinking about having another one? For the time being two is enough.