He Does It Because He Loves Me

It’s has to be hard for the first born when a new sibling arrives.  One day your getting all the attention and love then BAM, another baby comes along that is newer, smaller and cuter than you are.  How can one compete with something that is brand new? How can the first born compete for the love of their mother to someone that is needier than they are?  It seems like the first born is being pushed to the side for this new baby; outstaged for the part of the baby of the family which was won by a baby that was born with an age difference of almost two in a half years. What can the first born do?  He/she will take any attention that they can get even if it drives mama crazy.  At least they are getting noticed right?

I don’t remember how I behaved when my younger sister came along.  I’m sure that I had my moments of attention seeking to win my mother back from my sister.  But in the end, I got use to my little sister being the baby and accepted my new role as the big sister.  For my oldest son, I think he understands that he is the big brother and that he has a baby brother.  I think he enjoys the role of big brother. He adores his baby brother to the point of being a little possessive over him.  But deep down I think he wishes that he had mama all to himself again.    

My oldest is a great kid but sometimes he can really push my buttons to get me to notice him.  I know that I should let him push my button but gosh darn it his antics can push me off the deep end.  He would scream or yell for me.  Sometimes he would wait for me at the door of the bathroom for me to come out crying, “I want to come in.”  I would tell him not to do this or not to do that and he does it anyway just for me to raise my voice and then he smiles or laughs at me. Sometimes I tell him not to hug his brother too hard or to hit his brother then he does it anyway. There are nice ways he have me to notice him.  When the baby cries and I’m trying to get to him, my oldest would get in front of me and hug me.  If I’m on the floor with the baby doing tummy time, my oldest would come and try to sit on my lap, or give me a kiss, or will hug me.  A lot of the things he does annoy the hell out of me.  I think sometimes “Why won’t he listen to me?  Why won’t he leave me be?”  When I tell him to get away, I feel bad afterwards because I know he wants time too but I have to put the baby first. right?  Eventually he would understand.

At the end of the day at story time, my oldest have at least some times with me.  My husband would hold the baby while I read to my oldest.  I can see the joy he gets out of me reading to him.  He would sit on my lap and I would pretty much be hugging him as I read the story.  After the story he would want me to play like I’m biting him, or he would give me extra hugs and kisses and he would rock on me until he felt sleepy.  Then he would put his head on my breast and would stretch his body on me like I’m a bed and would drift off to sleep.  He looks so happy in my arms.  Reminds me when he was a baby. I look at him thinking “this is all that he wanted.” He wanted me to show him some love and affection; to be the baby again just for a few minutes. Lately he’s been requesting me to do his bedroom routine and to tuck him into bed.  I guess it’s his way of getting an extra ten minutes of mama to himself.

Thinking back on certain antics that he does throughout the day especially the ones that he was being disobedient, I wonder if he was truly being disobedient or was he trying to get me to notice him.  Acting almost like a celebrity thinking bad publicity is good publicity.  So now I take a step back to see what’s really going on if he’s misbehaving or if he does things that annoy me and to see if he doing it just to disobey me or he’s doing it because he loves me. 


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