My most terrifying experience as a mother

My second son is a noisy sleeper.  The first night that we took him home from the hospital four months ago, he started to grunt, moan, slam his little arms and little legs on the crib mattress when he gets startled awake, and he farts very loudly.  My first son wasn’t noisy at all.  He was a very quiet sleeper.  I would have to check on him to see if he was still breathing he was such a quiet sleeper.  My second son would groan and moan sometimes to wake up to feed, sometimes it’s nothing and he would fall back to sleep.

It had to been when my second son was three or four weeks old.  I was sleeping in his room until he starts sleeping through the night. During this time, he was waking every hour to an hour and a half to feed or because he was in discomfort from being gassy.  I wasn’t getting any more than three or four hours of sleep and I was very tired. I remember laying him on his side because the gas would be so uncomfortable that his screams sounded painful and his face would turn red whenever I would lay him on his back.  I thought him sleeping on his side would help him relieve the discomfort of the gas and for him sleep a little better. 

It was about five forty in the morning when I heard him cry and make a strange noise.  It wasn’t a noise that I heard before.  In my half awaken state, I though maybe it could have been a weird sounding sneeze.  I was hoping it was nothing because I was so tired that I felt I was going to burn out if I couldn’t get at least another hour in before my toddler wakes up and I have to get his day started. But I never heard a sneeze sounded like this.  I waited thirty seconds to see if he would fall back asleep.  Then I heard him moving in the crib.  His arm kept hitting the bed. The crying continued. The sneeze that I was hearing sounded like a reverse sneeze that dogs would do like they are gasping for air.  It sounded like he was trying to breath.  I got up quickly from the couch from where I was sleeping and turned the night light on.  I saw my little guy turning from his back to his side.  His little left hand was trying to reach for something.  When I looked closer, he was reaching for his nose.  I turned him over on his back and saw breast milk coming from his right nostril.  I’m thinking.  “Oh my God, he must have thrown up and he couldn’t breathe.”   From my experience of throwing up, my nasal passage felt like it would close and I couldn’t breathe.  Like my body closed up my nasal passage to prevent any vomit from coming out. 

I took my new born son in my arms to try to keep him from falling back to sleep.  I’m thinking “what could I do to make him breathe right again?”  I checked to make sure he wasn’t turning blue and he wasn’t getting cold. He wasn’t. I took him over to the diaper changing table, got the flash light from my phone to check and see if there was still milk in his nostrils since it still sounded like he couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t see anything but the residue of the breast milk left in his right nostril.  So I got the blue nose bulb that the hospital gives you when you leave and suck out anything that might have been in his nose.  My son started crying hysterically.  I picked him up trying to calm him down.  It still sounded like he still couldn’t breathe.  I panicked.  I’m thinking “Should I go to the hospital?  Should I wake my husband?  My baby isn’t going to die.  NO he will not die.” Then he would stop crying then start again because he couldn’t breathe. Something told me to try to feed him.  I put him on my breast.  I thought “if he couldn’t feed then I need to take him to the hospital.”  He fed for about a minute then he started to fall asleep again.  I wasn’t confident that he was alright so I opened his pajamas; I lifted my shirt up and laid him on my chest.  I read somewhere that the mother can regulated a babies breathing by making skin to skin contact.  I was telling God, “Please don’t let me son die.”.  I was telling my son, “I won’t let you die.”  About a few minutes later, he didn’t seem to be in pain when he was breathing.  He seemed OK.  I put my finger under his nostrils to feel his breathe.  He was breathing well again.  I was relieved. I put him on his back this time and I didn’t care if he was uncomfortable with his gas.  It would work itself out eventually.

This was my first time my son experiencing acid reflux and my first time dealing with it.  I didn’t experience this with my first son so when my second son went through it I panicked.  I thought he couldn’t breath and he was going to die.  Looking back, I probably overreacted but I didn’t want to take that chance of being wrong.  I thought that laying him on his side would help elevated his gas pains. Never in my mind I thought he could have acid reflux.  I don’t know if God heard me or it was my due diligence or normal progression acid reflux takes that help my son breath right again that morning but whatever help my son breath right, I’m thankful. That was the most terrifying moment I have experienced as a mother.  What’s yours?

 

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